Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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