Welp...herpes.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
