I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
