I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
