You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
