It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
