Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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