i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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