the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
