shes about as inviting as chlamydia
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
