she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
