He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
