it hurts more in the daytime
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
