A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
now i know why i became what i already was.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
