fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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