This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
