Your face is a jimmy john
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
