why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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