Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine