community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out