i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
this beer tastes like vomit already
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
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I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
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Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid