HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?