Say something about gay babies.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.