I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"