I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
