i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Let's get the cat blown out
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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