Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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