Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize