Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
