I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
