Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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