She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
