I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
