Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
