My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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