Just cropdusted the office
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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