I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When did angry sex become our thing?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
