It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
