I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
