So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
