Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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