if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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