She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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