Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
