No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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