you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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