You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
