this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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