Four minutes until I can fart!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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