You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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