Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
