I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am available for nakedness
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
