The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
