i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The struggles of a small town man whore
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
