I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
