i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
