You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
