Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize