theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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