Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
