woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
