i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
