Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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