Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
