i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
