Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
