I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
