It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
