You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
