Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
