My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
