Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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