i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
