i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
