i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
