we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
