I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
