she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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