put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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